dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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