I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
