And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
