Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
