If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
