He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
