girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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