and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
