And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
