Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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