So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
