i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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