Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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