the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you didnt know i had herpes?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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