He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
