dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Drunk is not a location!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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