worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
