To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
