all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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