if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
