ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
