erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
