girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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