I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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