they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
