i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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