Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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