I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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