I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize