I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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