Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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