Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
