what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
