Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
