I showed him my bush... on skype.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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