college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
