pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
