I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
