A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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