i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
