How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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