I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
