I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
