it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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