i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
