Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
