If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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