Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
