you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
