At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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