i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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