it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
