is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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