got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
