I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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