There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
