I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
