Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
