dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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