Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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