I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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