Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
