Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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