She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
