I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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