Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
