i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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