Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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