meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
