what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
