My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
