hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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