I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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