You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
