"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
