When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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