I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Bring me that man meat
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
