Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
