Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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