I just cut my nipple shaving
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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