Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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