Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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