She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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