don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize