do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
